Seven Healthy Steps for Conflict Resolution

Most people don’t like conflict. In fact, some people might do whatever they can to avoid confrontation and conflict. They want to avoid the uncomfortable emotions that come with arguments and disagreements with others. They might feel uncomfortable with speaking up for their own needs and wants. Or they may not know how to communicate with others in the face of difficulty in relationships. For recovering addicts, many of these situations might be true. Because of the denial and low self-esteem that tends to come with addiction, many addicts have a hard time with facing conflict in their friendships and relationships.

However, there are very clear steps that relationship experts have designed to help people through a conflict, even if they don’t have the skills for conflict resolution. The following seven steps are easy to follow and understand.

1.      Agree on the ground rules you’d like to have for the discussion. For instance, you might agree that there is no interrupting and that each person remain respectful. You might also agree that there is no yelling, cursing, or putting another person down. Having general rules around your discussion will make it easier to discuss a topic that’s difficult.

2.      Take turns in explaining your feelings and thoughts about the situation. If you’re having a conflict, then each person is going to have their own point of view. Each of you can explain your position while staying within the ground rules you’ve established together.

3.      Identify and agree on the nature of the conflict. After each of you have taken turns, identify what the precise conflict is. What are you arguing about? Sometimes when two people are arguing, the conflict comes out of not seeing the situation in the same way. Make sure you can identify and agree on the conflict you’re having. You might even state this aloud in your conversation.

4.      Take turns in exploring options to resolve the conflict. This step invites you to go into a brainstorming session. Think of the various ways that you might resolve the conflict. Each of you might have different ideas, some of which might require compromise. However, at this step of conflict resolution, have each person clarify what they would like to see happen. This is a pivotal step in the process. Make sure that each person remains open to new ideas and respectful.

5.      Agree on a solution. Once each of you have offered your ideas. Discuss which idea might make the most sense given the circumstances. You might look for the idea that both of you are willing to accept. See if you can come to an agreement of the solution.

6.      State the solution. Once you’ve made an agreement, state the solution aloud.

7.      Decide when to return to evaluate the solution. Depending upon the circumstances, you may need to revisit this discussion again in the near future. Decide upon a time in which you will talk again to discuss how this particular solution is working out for each of you. If needed, repeat the above steps again.

Use the above steps to bring about a peaceful resolution when conflict arises in friendships and relationships.